Live-in Relationships v/s Religion/Spiritualism & Moral Ethics
Posted: Monday, December 06, 2010
by Drunken Mystic
http://drunkenmystic.wordpress.com
Been brought up in a very conservative Hindu Brahmin family, I never thought I would be slanting in favour of live-in relationships today. A society which believed way back in the 80’s that women’s rights are restricted only to the kitchen and household chores gave birth to my male chauvinism. When I was 12 years old, I used to argue with my sister “How can a man ever sit and cook at home while his wife is working for money? That’s totally impossible. Women should stay at home and do the cooking. It’s a woman’s job." My sister would immediately retort “Why not? What’s wrong if women go for jobs and men do the household work?" I agree with what my sister said.
Live-in relationships still continue to be a very western concept in Indian society today, although I would argue that this concept existed in ancient India . Many still continue to argue that if youngsters are allowed to live-in, it may rouse a lot of complications and social problems eventually giving rise to teenage pregnancies and above all it is totally against the Indian values of moral ethics. I accept the marriage system was formed centuries back with the idea of bringing some kind of uniform discipline to curb adultery.
How far should this discipline be implemented on men and women? When somebody rebels against the whole system of arranged marriage and pre-marital sex, should they be punished and ostracized by the whole community? Live-in relationships have become a common phenomenon in cities like Pune, Mumbai, Bangalore and Chennai. There are even some tribes from Central India which practice free sex before marriage and dating among them is very common. 90% of the Indian community still believes in arranged marriage or arranged love marriage. Two individuals are allowed to fall in love, have a secure relationship and later approach their parents for permission to get married, which is a very good way of handling things.
Yet, there are individuals who want to have a live-in relationship and experience togetherness before getting married and live the same way as married couples do. I am sure live-in relationship is also a very widely debated issue in the west. The SearchWarp poll was pretty close with 47% in favour of it while 40% against the concept. What age should we allow boys and girls to make this decision? How can we prepare them to maintain a mental hygiene when choosing this decision? Social and spiritual upbringing is the answer to helping growing youngsters, when they are about enter the doors of a live-in home.
The question of rights for boys and girls when they have grown certainly rises when parents curb their freedom of choice. Parents have the right to oppose, educate their children towards a better decision but ultimately do they have the right to lock them up in their houses? Can we include spiritualism and religion to be part of live-in relationships? Definitely we can. Seeking God in each other can begin in no better place than a sweet home of live-in relationships. There is no sin where God exists, and He exists in each one of us as love. Seek that love to share it with your partner, all endless fears of the mind will cease.
Love is the seed which grows as commitment for lifetime. The bond of love is stronger than a piece of paper – a proof of your marriage. No matter how holy the vows you take may be, they cannot be strong enough to hold the two of you together until your love is strong. God’s love has that immense power, it is the eternal knot which nobody can break away, and with this power of God, live-in relationships can certainly be healthy and a blessing for the couple. But how successful are you in bringing this core spiritual belief into your lives? - By believing in your inner “self"!
Through self-realization all prejudices disappear, restrictions of the mind don’t seem to exist anymore, and moreover the purity of thought emanates automatically. This is the true education which needs to go hand in hand with other forms of education. Spiritualism is the essence of our beings and definitely by being spiritual, live-in relationships cannot be against any religious principles because God is ever forgiving, ever loving, childlike and non-discriminating.
Omigosh! I hate sounding like a pedagogue. I’ll try better next time. God bless!
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Top-level comments on this article: (10 total)I believe if there is true love then any relationship is satisfactory.Absolutely David. Thank you.
Very interesting, DM. It boggles my mind that you, having grown up in a Hindu family, are contemplating the same issues as I am, having grown up on the other side of the globe in a Christian family.
It seems to me that the greatest danger in religion is that it tends to separate morality from the issue of human suffering. Because of this, a religious person can mistreat, or even kill, others while still feeling good about themselves because of their religion. This, to me, seems like the essence of evil.
Recently I encountered a 62 year old woman who spent almost all of her adult life as a homeless person. She was physically and emotionally abused as a child because she is a person of mixed-race, and she has suffered mental and emotional issues as a result.
She found an elderly man who agreed to live with her in low-income housing to share living expenses. A few months ago the Christian organization which runs the low-income housing project said they had to leave because they were not married.
This situation has created a huge moral conflict for me. How could a religious organization believe that they were acting morally by kicking this woman back out into homelessness? Surely, this was an immoral act. If there is a God, surely He wouldn't find this pleasing, would He?Certainly not. God would never be happy to see one of His own children rendered homeless. The basic problem with most religious organizations today is, follow the rules no matter what. Even if you have to overlook compassion and love, just act without common sense. It has become more like a moral policing.
I see this example in my own family Bruce. The very essence of sharing what you have doesn't come from the heart. Even two brothers who have their own families have all kinds of politics going on, hiding stuff from each other, and if you walk into their homes they act uneasy as if you have to leave within 5 minutes etc. It's everywhere. People see a naked woman walking on the street with no clothes to wear and she is mentally unsound, nobody comes forward to cover her up and yet the same people will go back home and stand in front of the altar and pray, "Lord, please make my business profitable today. I hope my children score good grades in school. I hope my wife gets healed and I pray that my bank balance increases with time." :-) Thank you.
DMInteresting point, Bruce. In this case, I think the lesser evil would have been to let the woman stay. I agree that relieving human suffering issue trumps the morals issue. Besides, the purpose of her staying there wasn't for illicit sex, but for a necessity of life - shelter from the cold. However, in most cases, we don't have to choose between human kindness and good morals. But most Christians see a false choice here. Liberal Christians will emphasize the "doing good works to others" while downplaying the morals thing. Conversely, conservative Christans tend to emphasize the morals thing while downplaying the "doing good works to others." Jesus commanded us to do both. He also set the example for us. He relieved human suffering wherever He went, but He never said sin was okay, even though He always offered forgiveness. Note that although he forgive the woman caught in adultery, and even rescued her from execution, he also told her to go and sin no more.First of all, there is no greater or lesser evil in my views. Even if she had to stay with a man and experience an occasional sex which is nothing but the need of the body, divinity is not lost in my opinion. You can still be a good Christian, do your regular prayers, maintain sanctity of the mind by maintaining a physical relationship with a man or woman.
About Mary Magdalene being a prostitute, there are many versions to it, and I won't believe she committed adultery at all. Christ would have never judged her as a sinned woman. Certainly to me the words, "Sin no more" sounds more like a word added by a human mind which never came from the mouth of Christ. The original words of Christ have long been lost and burned by the Romans. No information is authentic today. In fact sin is nothing but losing touch of the inherent divinity in us. Sin is not worthy of any punishment God things of. Certainly, even a messiah like Christ doesn't order our lives or control it. We as divine souls are in control of our own divine destinies. The messiah only guides.
Maybe some of our western culture has rubbed off on you DM- :) You seem to be a broadminded- free-thinking, self-realized man-whose integrity and wisdom grows daily.....Thank you for another thoughtful and inspiring article- Love to read them- Always- EllaIt has certainly been a long journey Ella! I have raised a lot of eyebrows in my own family circles and they think "I am a bad influence on their children". :-) No matter what, I am truthful and honest to myself and that's enough for me. Thanks for encouraging me.
DM
Hi DM I thoroughly enjoyed this piece you put together to share. I personally have no qualm with people living togother, and I believe the God I was brought up to believe in will have no qualm either.
Stay safe
Your friend KacyThank you Kacy. The greatest gift mankind can ever enjoy, is freedom to worship God in any form and choose a lifestyle suited best to their personal liking.
DM
Live-in relationships (aka living in sin) are not a women's rights issue. They are degrading to both women and men.Thank you for your comments. But not in my views and the many who follow it. Women are looked down upon in many sections of the society and live-in plays a big role in women's rights issues at least in India. In this omnipresent creation of God, living in His omnipresence in every form of relationship is a blessing.
DM
Well, if you're a pedagogue, you're a very lovable one, DM! I love what you believe in now; it certainly makes the most sense to me.Thank you Jennifer! That makes me more happy. :-)
DM
» left by Dr Jeannette Kavanagh
from Melbourne, Australia 1 year 154 days ago.
20 fans. Follow Dr Jeannette Kavanagh on twitter!Interesting article, thank you for writing it and sharing your thoughts. Thanks to other commentators too. Bruce (Horst's) story was very apposite to any discussion of what it means to be a real christian.
I think we need to realise that the word 'religion' is from the Latin 'religare' meaning to regulate, bind, or to fasten'. Religions are organisations which rarely have anything to do with spirituality - they're about 'my god's the one true god, my religion is better than yours. And the rules of my religion are the biggest and the best'.
That's not to say that people observing the rules and regulations of a particular man-made religion cannot be good and spiritually enlightened people. It's just that so many people who label themselves as being members of one group or another, confuse the religious rules they follow with morality. One of the people commenting on your article seems to think that sexual behaviour is about morality, but being kind to others is not. I guess that's because most religions can dish out rules about who has sex, when and with whom. It's far more difficult to regulate or set up rules about something more important: kindness. I agree with you that the gospels we read about what Christ allegedly said were written centuries after his death and much of his philosophy is missing. However, the people I've met who are most Christ-like in the way they live their lives, the kindness they show, the tolerance and compassion they share with all humans and other animals, those people are rarely capital C Christians.
And yes, "live-in relationships cannot be against any religious principles because God is ever forgiving, ever loving, childlike and non-discriminating." I also think that all the gods of all the world's religions have a little bit more to worry about than whether men and women are living together in so-called 'sin'. Better stop there before I've written another article. Peace to you.
Thank you Jeanette. I am almost out of words after reading your comments. Very happy! :-)
DM
Good sharing and thoughts. Live-in or sex before marriage seems to be out of hand all over the world. So far, this has been the most controversial subject.It becomes a controversial subject because man does not understand rights of humans. There is a right towards making a choice and we can do that while keeping our spiritual hygiene intact. Thank you Hilda!
DM
Live-in" relationships and pre-marital sex are taboo even in the so called "advanced" countries in the west, let alone in a religious and developing country like India.
Like everything else, this also bears the two sides of the coin. To assure oneself that life after marriage for the next good half part of one's sojourn on earth will be fine, one has to know if one of the most important aspects of marriage - sex with the partner - works. Here is where live-in relationships help - and I would even go a step further, would recommend it. This I dare to say having seen within my close family circles, a few cases of newly wed girls going for a divorce within months of their wedding - all marriages arranged by both set of parents after scrutinizing the compatibility of their horoscopes and marriage rites performed on the most auspicious days. The reason was that the women found the husbands either impotent or gay or even a transsexual engaging himself in cross dressing. The painful divorces could have been avoided only if they had known these earlier.
The other side of the coin is the constant fear of what happens if one of the partners decides to end the relationship after a period of living-in. Especially for the woman this is the sword of Damocles. How shall she face the family, the society? - a second hand product!
But then, where is the certainty of marriage when one looks at the rapid increase of divorce rates, also in India where tradition is still respected. Once again I have the instances of at least three girls in my family getting themselves divorced after six to ten years of marriage - all love marriages which seemed to be going on happy.
So we come to the basic philosophy of Life - nothing is certain, everything is transient. The nice part though is - after all who cares? Whether you get married in the traditional way, or have a live-in relationship which later on ends up in a marriage or does not lead to a marriage. Who is going to remember, except perhaps yourself? Life goes on!That's a great insight you have provided Mohan. After all nothing is certain which is why need to bring in the spiritual essence into our lives, a constant awareness - if anything is permanent it is only the soul. Thank you.
DM thank you very much for your enlightening article which give me an idea of how your culture is responding to the crisis between individuals that we are seeing today. Below are my thoughts...
What the devil is wrong with our collective thinking? Wake up call. Every aspect of our life is controlled by our beliefs about sex. Should I have sex before marriage or is it a "sin", should I not have sex with a member of the same gender, is there a wrong way to have sex in God's eyes, should I live with someone and have sex with them before I marry them, how old do I have to be to have sex, what kind of job should I get to make money so I can have more sex, if I wear the right clothes or say the right things will that lead to sex, what school should I go to, are there girls/boys there, do they like sex, will they have sex with me? Now I fully realize not all of us have the same or all of the aforementioned drives and to many, many people these are simple and straight forward questions but it matters not. What matters is what is on the screens of our minds and OBVIOUSLY it is sex sex sex and more sex. Let’s get something perfectly clear; sex is a powerful, sacred act (read: holy and should be respected not tainted) for procreation only and should be revered as such. Sex for fun and pleasure is an abuse of this great power we all share and only serves to keep us mired in the trappings of physical reality. Take for instance what happened to Peter Parker who didn’t understand ole grandpa when he said “With great power comes great responsibility" (by the way all Peter wanted was a piece of that sweet Mary Jane Watson) well it got gramps killed and it can easily kill you to. Would you like a second serving of AIDS anyone? Oh what’s that you already got yours and now you’re dying a slow painful death there's no cure for, that's sad. That is all secondary to the fact that sex for pleasure will lead the majority of people to emotional, mental and moral unhealthiness. On top of those three biggies it is unclean and debases us spiritually and can lower our vibration. Angels do not bleep other angels and yes we are all angels in the eyes of God. Angels may have children with other angels but for goodness sakes angels do not bleep other angels.
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