How To Take Criticism?
Posted: Saturday, January 01, 2011
by Drunken Mystic
http://drunkenmystic.wordpress.com
Sometimes I tend to get hurt when somebody criticises me. And sometimes, I try to see if this person really meant to hurt me or wanted me to change for the good. I introspect about what the other person said, and then use my discretion to judge my actions and try to accept my limitations by being honest with myself. Moreover, if the criticism sounds senseless, then I just ignore the remarks and wish well for the one who has passed it.
Taking criticism in positive stride is certainly a difficult task and not all of us can really handle it well. Criticism is like a constant poking of the sensitive parts of our sub-conscious and it sends a wave of suffocation through the skin pores and a certain amount of adrenalin gushing right up through the brain, flaring up of nostrils, muscles tightening up, clenching of fists, glaring eyes and last but not the least, a spurt of mental abuses – verbal diarrhoea.
Constructive criticism can be good enough and encouraging while destructive criticism can cause a lot of rebellion. Parents especially criticising their children must be wary of the second kind. All of us are victims of both types of criticisms and we do feel discouraged to a large extent and sometimes get demoralised so much that it drives us to live on sedatives, drugs or alcohol. I would rather advice not to depend on any such life threatening supplements just to get rid of the mental pain. There are many other ways to find happiness and even see the brighter side of such experiences in life.
Constructive criticism certainly works when someone points out the mistakes we have committed at a job, or study, school homework etc and how we could have done better and show us the ways of improvement. While destructive criticism is very harsh when, people taunt only at the mistakes and the consequences of those mistakes. This leads to even hurling words of insults and abuses at the subject and such experiences can really affect their psyche.
Parents while criticising the flaws of their children must do so in private and not in front of their friends, cousins or strangers. They should talk to them with patience in a private location. It is always better to take them out somewhere for a walk like the beach or a park and have a nice talk over an ice cream or something. When parents want to educate their children and remind them of the path they are choosing is wrong, it is better to have a long discussion which should be more like a counselling and also, letting them know they are always there to support them and guide them constantly. Be good friends with your children.
The early days of my theatre were not a good experience. I had fellow artists taking on me for almost anything and everything and they even harshly criticised me about my looks and bluntly spat words on my face like how ugly I looked. On the contrary, I didn’t let this bog me at all because I was pretty confident of my personality. I had to somehow fight it out and let myself be heard and even push myself forward to assert my point and make it clear they respected me. I had lots of demoralising experiences which made me believe at times that I was incompetent.
Being constantly criticised as an artist can be very tough at times, and it can really lead you into big time depression as well. I somehow had to swallow the bitterness for being criticised for nothing most of the times apart from my acting skills. My friends were so judgmental and narrow minded about what I spoke, they would just find a reason to pick on every word I uttered that resolved to maintain silence and just read the script, rehearse and leave.” I withstood the harsh mentality of constantly being judged, and got snubbed as a newcomer but still I continued to believe that I will be accepted with time. It was a big test and challenge for me.
Whenever you are criticised, don’t react! This applies especially to people in relationships. If one partner hits out at the other, it is always better for the person at the receiving end to be calm and introspective. It is, very obvious there will be anger, irritation and frustration boiling up, but don’t say anything. Stay quiet, swallow it up and just go back home and do what you do best. Continue with your work, your hobbies, your passion, and always learn from the experience of criticism that you can get better no matter what others think of you.
The next part is, not to think negative of the person who has criticised you. No matter how bad they are there is no need to criticise them and waste our thought energy over them inviting more negative energy into our system which is only going to spoil our mental and physical health finally ruining our personal peace and happiness.
Whenever your senses flare up with anger, just go back to your private space and do what you love doing. Play some nice pleasant music by turning up the volume loud if you want, or even if you play an instrument, that would be a good release of your frustration. Otherwise, just go and spend some time watching the waves of the sea. Try connecting with something that pleases you most, something that you feel gives you ultimate happiness and satisfaction. But don’t let smoking tobacco or drugs, liquor offer you the final solution. You are only going to RUIN your life further.
Remember, if a human criticises you and makes you feel they hate you or despise you, there is always God right there deep inside your heart who says, “I exist as love. You just need to connect with me. I am endless peace, I am limitless joy, I am bliss which can never be measured in quantity.” Meditation is the greatest tranquiliser.
Always try to see the positive side of any criticism and just observe your own nature. Even if somebody has picked on you for your mistakes, try to see what you have done to make them react and what could you have done better to not have invited any criticism. There are also moments when you are innocent and if you have been so, just brush the whole matter aside and try to explain and talk it over. If this doesn’t work, continue to smile and just move on. It is always wise to look at our imperfections first before pointing a finger at someone else. It is all easier said than done, but I have been the biggest critic on earth!
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Top-level comments on this article: (10 total)Great article, I know the feelings intimately. I get masses of criticism and always have had, probably balancing karma. It can either destroy you or ultimately make you turn to yourself and care about yourself more. I do not now believe that anyone has the right to judge anyone. I guess the difference between instruction or guidance , which IS necessary, is that criticism comes with negative emotion attached to it.CJYou are absolutely right by saying nobody has the right to judge anyone, but this world is filled with duality and you cannot help the imperfect judge another. We can try best to develop an attitude of judging ourselves and none other. Everything starts from within and I am sure you have that kind of wisdom carol. There was a saint who had a close friend who used to criticize him day and night and all his disciples were irritated with this guy. Suddenly, a day approached when the saint got to know that his friend died. The saint expressed great regret and said, "Oh my God, my greatest critique is no more". Thank you. :-)
Thank you so much for writing this article. It is filled with much wisdom and insight. And it may help me for I, too, often let criticism get to me when I should just learn what I can from it and let it go. I appreciate what you have shared here.Exactly George. I constantly realized how positive criticism can work on us especially if we learned not to react to it. It can bring in a great deal of patience, and reduce anger. Thank you for commenting and wish you a Happy New Year!
It sounds to me like a whole lot of your "friends" were jealous. I'm sorry you had such a difficult time; I admire you for coming out of it a stronger person.
I have such a different view about criticism; I think there's no place for it in the world, especially when it's not asked-for. It's about the critic's unresolved anger, and their needing to be important at the cost of somebody else. They're just bullies.
My belief is that nurturing people brings out the best in them, not cutting them down. But critics exist and some of them are vicious, so we have to learn how to not let it hurt us. You're right, it does make us think and it makes us stronger if we let it.
Notwithstanding that, I'm never going to like or respect critics who enjoy hurting people, and I'm always going to want to spit in their eye! :)I surely agree with you that there is no place for criticism in this world. We have no business criticizing someone when we are not perfect in the first place. I did many times feel like slapping or showing my fist off to especially one guy who constantly hounded me for nothing. Thank you.I've noticed that people who criticize the most are often in total denial about their own lives!True!
Hi DM.
Great insights and great advice! I've experienced some, if not all, of what you have written about. Luckily, I mostly receive well-meant and constructive criticism these days. I tend to avoid those who say harsh things just to hurt me. After all, that is one of the definitions of a living organism: moves away from unpleasant stimuli. :)
Oh and for the record, I can't imagine why anyone would call you ugly. Because you are not. I'm thinking that they just couldn't come up with any better insult; the hallmark of an uncreative mind.
Hugs,
DianneThank you for your comments and also confirming that I am not ugly. :-) Certainly, I have come a long way from there and learned a lot from such experiences which can only make us stronger.
Drunken Mystic well written piece, Criticism is something that all of us experience and need to be able to deal with personally. Thanks for taking the time to share your insight.Thank you for joining my fan club Sid. Certainly, criticism at times can be good for us if we take it positively. But some types of criticism are way too harsh only to demoralize us because people cannot stand at the attitude we hold on to. Thank you for stopping by.
I try to determine whether or not the criticism is warranted, and possibly constructive, for which I am grateful, or if it merely comes from jealousy- anger or hatred- at things in life itself. But whatever it turns out to be- it will always make you think.....somehow....Definitely Ella. Criticism is a negative energy and it is bound to affect your emotional psyche in some way.
Nice one DM, nice one :D
We should really feel pity for someone who criticizes others, really, and DM, i already said it, nice one :D
"If this doesn’t work, continue to smile and just move on." This sentence rocks, you should have bolded it.Thank you for your compliments Hyun. You are right on the pity part because some of those harsh ones come from the most unsatisfied and insecure people in life who seek attention like children. Maybe I will bold that sentence. Thank you again!
You made some great points. I especially like the part about parents correcting their children in private. I hate to see children yelled at or criticized in front of others.Thank you Brianna. I remember my parents used to do that to me. :-) And Happy New Year!
Good article DM, yes I welcome criticism, how else are we to learn of our faults if no one brings them to our attention.Thank you David! Criticism is a great tool for positive growth.
What an insightful thought. Coincidentally I read something on Twitter just now which relates so well to this article. This is what I read: Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you. Jean-Paul Sartrea I have tweeted this on my twitter @mindstrategistThanks for your comments. That's a very nice tweet as well. :-)
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