How To Ignore Your Parents (Especially In Old Age)?
Posted: Sunday, March 20, 2011
by Drunken Mystic
http://drunkenmystic.wordpress.com
The relationship between parents and children has been one of the most complicated relationships on the face of this earth in my opinion. If my readers disagree they are welcome to raise their objections and criticisms. Parents are not the worst human beings after all because even they have grown up under difficult as well as easy circumstances. Some parents have come from a well to do background where they have been provided with every material comfort while some parents had to see the dark reality of poverty and hunger and worked their hard ways to make a comfortable living so their children don’t have to suffer they way they did.
This means, mother, father, Guru and God – our parents are the embodiment of all four. First, is the mother who carries the baby for nine months in her womb, goes through enough trouble, turmoil, mental trauma and pain till the “destined” moment arrives for the baby to enter the new world to experience a new sphere of learning. Next, it is the father who will offer conditioning, discipline and guidance to the child through initial years of adolescence and most important years of teenage.
The learning has already started for the child through the channel of parents who are already playing the “role” of a “teacher” – the guru. The role of parents is very special and parents must not forget to remind themselves that there is an inherent divinity which they need to be in touch with all the time. This inherent divinity if realised will offer them enough wisdom and spiritual insight which will in turn encourage them to inculcate spiritual values in their children.
This mode of inculcation is becoming absent increasingly. The inherent divinity in parents is the “Daivam” = “God” and that is why it is said, ‘mata, pita, guru, daivam”. Also, children are constantly reminded of this particular verse because they should always know that their parents are an embodiment of the “Guru and God”. This awareness is a must so they never neglect their parents, take care of them and be supportive through their old age.
Honestly speaking, I also had a tough time to accept this truth and let it sink into my heart even though I had my own differences with my father. You see such imperfection in the person standing right in front of you that it almost seems impossible to accept the “good” side and pay our humble respects to them everyday. Finally, it is they who begot us and gave us a chance to live in this world, so we could learn and live this life to the fullest. They taught us to talk, walk, eat and make our choices and much more.
There were days as children, we would not listen to their advice and be stubborn and yet our parents would let go and sacrifice their happiness so we can be happy. Imagine as a child, how you would have thrown the food plate or a bowl of pudding and dirtied the entire floor and your mother would have to patiently clean up everything and not say a word. All toddlers test the patience of their parents and they still say, “Children will be like that because these are the growing years and their minds are not mature enough to understand or discriminate between right or wrong. Children are innocent and their childlike nature is a nature akin to God.”
The same thing happens when our parents grow old they cannot remember things anymore. Their memory goes weak, they have forgotten their ways of discipline or table manners, or even how to talk in a mature and reasonable manner in front of others. They are like that because they have entered their second stage of childhood. We should not get angry and say, “Oh my God, my mom embarrassed me in front of my friends yesterday.” Or, “My dad was just horrible at the table when he was eating. I cannot take him to a socialising evening with me anymore.”
These are unavoidable circumstances of age patterns. Just like adolescence has its own pattern, boyhood/girlhood have their own patterns, so does teenage, adulthood, middle-age and old age. Each phase of life has its own subconscious pattern and the mind acts accordingly. Parents need a lot of attention in their old age and one has to say “yes” to all their tantrums or unreasonable behaviour because they lose the rationalisation. It is one of the last phases of life where they would like to live peacefully, and not feel loneliness.
The best thing which can ever happen is, children, even after they get married, keep their parents in their home or at least next door if the space is too small and pay constant visits to see how they are doing, and take constant care of them. Attitude is more important than just providing them food, clothing and other necessities. The energy in the words we speak should be filled with love, patience, understanding and compassion. That is what parents need in their old age.
Always remember one thing. When they breathe their last breath, they shouldn’t have any feeling of remorse or regret that their children never took care of them. Would you want to see them die in a state of sorrow, with tears in their eyes and pain in their heart that they were neglected by their own children for whom they sacrificed every single desire of theirs and saved up each penny so that you can receive the best education? Their eyes were filled with happiness when they got you the first bicycle and the excitement in your face brought feeling of satisfaction in their hearts.
They were proud to see you graduate as a doctor, engineer or as an architect. When that photo of your graduation day goes up on the wall, they will be the ones to feel proud. The world will need your service as long as your skills are in tact, but your parents will need your service as long as your love is there, and as long as they are “alive”. This is an unconditional bond which was never signed but born as a “soul connection”.
Every single moment of their lives, there was only one worry and it was you. You occupied their minds and every time they would ask themselves, “Is my son/daughter okay? Have I really looked after them well? Are they happy? I hope I haven’t done anything wrong to hurt them.” My neighbour has a son who is hardly about 7 or 8 years old. She came to me once and expressed her worry if she had been a little too hard on him because she scolded him when he refused to touch his school books or watched too much television. The boy was crying, but imagine - the mother couldn't handle the fact that he was crying even though he may have wronged. Such is the love parents have for their children. They scold, but it hurts them to scold even though they know it is for their good.
We may not be able to read their minds, but we can always be sure that what they want is, our well-being and happiness. Their ways of disciplining us, or ridiculing us, or even being worried about us constantly might seem wrong, but they are justified. We can also try to create a space in our lives for them and accommodate them somewhere in our busy schedule and make them an important part of our “new family” of wife and children. Parents always deserve respect, love and care. We must try our best not to ignore them. I have tried and it has been a good progress for me so far. They are "God" because they "created" us.
Always remind yourself that you will be growing old like them one day and your children may neglect you too, for their happiness. Feel the joy of serving as there is nothing wrong to kick your ego and make it bend. Once a wise man told me, “Shyam, your father is an old tree. If he bends, he will break. You are still young, and you won't.”
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)Wonderful article, DM. You are a wonderful son to your family with this impressive writing. Hope all the children can feel how the parents feel and respond to them reasonably and respectfully.I hope I am, Hilda. But nobody in my family thinks so for many reasons. I won't write about that, but only can write that I have been trying to work hard to be a good son although, I failed many, many times. I know what it is to take care of parents but have to be honest about my mistakes too. So, the world should know that even though this author speaks about taking care of parents, he has wronged too. Nothing beats honesty. Thank you!Wow that's really honest DM. & judging that we are but only humans and so we make lots mistakes. I understand and you don't have to write out. No one is perfect. Keep all the secrets . (sometimes we are stubborn, unkind, selfish...........sh sh sh )
Both of my parents have passed on, I wish I would have treated them better than I did during my lifetime. But I know they understood why I was like I was and forgave me.That's okay, David. You can send them good thoughts even now. Your prayers will benefit them no matter where they are.
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