Father – Is he Positive or Negative & Do I Love Him?
Posted: Thursday, June 16, 2011
by Drunken Mystic
http://drunkenmystic.wordpress.com
All I know is; being a parent is extremely difficult. The ‘self-centred’ ego doesn’t stop playing its role even after one becomes a parent – be it – father or mother. What is a father and who is he? Is he just a biological entity because his sperm played an eminent role in the biological evolution of the foetus or is there something deeply karmic associated with him playing the role model on his children as the ‘Father’?
The father has a very important role to play, whether it is negative or positive. We must not avoid something only because it plays a negative part on our psyche. For an instant, we may feel that the negative impact on our minds is stifling us or instilling fear in our minds and stopping us from growing or moving forward into our lives. If we try and make a keen observation on negative approaches of fathers towards children, even those experiences bring out the tougher and stronger part in them. You can learn more from life when you face tough and heartbreaking challenges. Always be ready to face the negative.
It is impossible to avoid any kinds of confrontation with parents in life. This happens in every family. This has happened in my family too. Ever since I lost my mother at the age of 9, I just felt I had nobody. My mother was like an eagle covering me with her huge wings and protecting me from all kinds of negativities that would affect ‘her small child’. Even if it had to be with letting my father know he hadn’t behaved right or dealt with me in any kind of irresponsible manner, she just did it.
But once she was gone and her earthly body cremated, the entire responsibility of handling three children – two daughters and one son, rested upon his shoulders and he was terribly shaken. He just couldn’t handle the shock. He sacrificed the next 30 years of his life by choosing to remain a widower and a father to three children.
But certainly, I would say, even though it was a difficult job for him to look after his children, he did a great job with teaching us patience, respecting everybody, never to gossip or criticize others (didn't acheive this personally) and above all, maintaining dignity. These were the virtues I have learned from him as a son even though I disagreed with a lot of his ‘self-developed’ principles.
One more thing I learned from him was – to tolerate all kinds of criticism, atrocities and hard situations with the golden virtue of ‘Silence’. He never hit back, shouted or fought with anybody no matter how much, his brothers and other relatives criticised his children. He always maintained silence and swallowed everything quietly.
Great human beings may not be great fathers and great fathers need not be great human beings. A father just needs to be a father. The father must be aware of his children’s age, and know exactly, when and how, to deal with them, communicate according to their maturity, because he has been through their years of life which his children are experiencing currently.
Many fathers make the mistake of expecting their seven or eight year old children to understand them and what they are trying to put forward instead of them bending down to the sapling to learn how much water it can receive.
Mother’s love is always unconditional. The mother never sees any reason to love her child, but the father always reasons before he loves his children. It is based on rational thinking. If the son or daughter does this and that right, they will receive a percentage of his attention accordingly. I would also say there are many fathers who exceptionally love their children and are great friends too.
At the end of the day, the father whom I have known has shielded me; supported me according to what he thought was the ‘Right’ thing to do and I am just thankful to be here only because of him.
According to Vedanta, the human birth is the highest birth a soul can achieve. We must not let it go with irresponsible actions like not appreciating our parents. They may have done a lot of wrong things and may not have taken good care of us or even neglected us at the most and crucial phases of our lives. There is a reason why parents behave in positive as well as negative ways. They are ‘imperfect’ like us. We have no right to judge their imperfection.
We have no right to be hard on them. That is because we choose our parents and they don’t choose us. If I give a paranormal explanation to this philosophy, many of you may or may not believe it, but this is how it is known to occur. Many souls wander around in the astral world seeking a womb for a re-birth. Only the lucky few happen to get this chance of being born human through the biological reproduction. There has to be some karma stored in the astral body towards the parents so the soul can feel attracted to the magnetism of the ‘parents’.
We also like many souls have waited for this golden chance of birth to work out our past sins and karmic baggage and look to get back to our Eternal Father forever, to be free from all earthly bondage. We want to be free from all that is subject to change and never come back over and over again only to discover that life on earth is nothing but an endless series of joy and pain as nothing ever remains permanent.
We have chosen our ‘Fathers’ and we have taken this birth and we must live it out in a righteous manner no matter how good or bad they have been to us. We face difficulties with our parents because we “chose” to face these difficulties by choosing the place to be born. When the soul has made a pact for a given ’50 – 80’ years of earthly life, a part of which is tied with the chosen parents, the agreement to experience all kinds of pain and suffering was also included in the package of this life.
Father is equivalent to “God – the Creator” because without his efforts we won’t be here. The first attention no matter what you do in life must go towards your father. Whether you attend school, college, get married and have children, you must always get back to your father and take care of him, give him proper attention. Swallow all the feuds and disagreements you’ve had and learn to accept them and be calm and yet continue to serve him with happiness and love. The father must go smiling to his grave. You don’t have to be a good Christian, Hindu, Muslim or Jew to do this. You just have to be a good son and daughter. Happy Father’s Day!
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)How difficult it must have been to lose your mother so young. Difficult for you and your father. Raising children on his own was no easy task. I like that you recognize parents are 'human' and do the best that they can. It sounds like your father did that and as a result has a son big enough to appreciate what he gave you. Very nice tribute to your father DM.Although I had my differences and many ego clashes with him, finally, I can never turn a blind eye to the fact that he gave me this life and I chose him as my father and I have to be thankful to him. Have a great day!
I feel sad thinking about you as a child losing your beloved mother, and of your father walking that journey of parenthood alone, Shyam. It seems from your challenges you've reaped a lot of wisdom, though, kudos to you.I don't completely agree about a father's love being rational. I think many fathers are that way because they've been conditioned to be so, but I believe men to be as capable of great emotion and unconditional love as women. They just maybe have to learn a few things!Beautiful article, as usual. It's nice to read you again :)'I would also say there are many fathers who exceptionally love their children and are great friends too.' - I summed it up in short. :-)
It has been a tough learning for me. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Hey buddy! Its really painful to lose a mom when you're so young....I am sorry...
A male is always like that rough, hard, egoistic but the value they contribute under that harder turf is long lasting. They make their sons tough like themselves.
Great heart felt article...thanks for sharing...
Chiradeep (Have you marked a thing? Today, yours and mine numbers are same...1,2,3,4)Thanks for your wonderful observations and comments, Chiradeep! I didn't realize the numbers though very coincidental huh? Have a nice day!
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