I’m Scared To Look Into The Mirror(At Times)
Posted: Wednesday, September 28, 2011
by Drunken Mystic
http://drunkenmystic.wordpress.com
When I look into the mirror, I see my obvious face and the nasal hair which keeps growing fast every four to five days bothers me a lot. I have to be very careful with my pair of scissors to cut every bit of hair so I don’t look awkward when people visit me or vice-versa. The grey streak of hair in the front is thinning as the clock strikes the hour. People find it amazing and ask me if I coloured it. I don’t like to colour my hair.
This mirror above the wash basin says hello to me once a day. I don’t even remember if I walk up to it anytime during the day to observe my looks. Earlier, as a young boy when I was 8 or 10, I used to spend hours together watching my face, eyes and teeth and hair. It was fun to do that and once I even naughtily picked up my father’s shaving razor for a shave. The only fact I didn’t know was that you need a razor blade to shave facial hair. There was no blade in it. I just applied some cream and made some forward and backward strokes. My sisters ridiculed me immediately, and I just started to wonder, “Why only elders shave every day?”
The mirror had so many uses that finally by 17, I learned that the mirror can be used for meditation also. I used to observe a Malaysian friend of mine sit for minutes together looking at his face in the mirror. Believe me, that is not an obsession, but it is a wonderful practice. I’ve tried that too, and realized that it increases skin clarity, brings glow in your eyes, and even builds up a lot of confidence. This practice even helps you understand the real “you”.
I met an American woman on the internet, probably a decade back who, used to practice the same technique mentioned above, and this helped her get more in tune with her soul. This is just the first part of the assignment I have completed, and have addressed an outward fact. This fact about looking into the mirror is just a reality that lies on the surface of our daily lives.
What lies beneath this surface, if we try to scrape that, we may never want to look at ourselves in the mirror again. Sorry, I am using a larger term as in “we” the people. Nobody has to agree on this point. This is purely my faith, belief and idea that the mirror of conscience is a much scary part to look into than looking into something while brushing our teeth with half opened eyes or combing the hair so we can be showstoppers.
I see many demons and U.F.Os flying when I look into the mirror conscience. Alien abduction is way too common. This abduction forces me to act wrong, and my five senses of perception and action are made instrumental to which my ego finds very hard to resist. Sometimes, the act is ballistic and too difficult to retract. The contrast is not much between the actual mirror in the bathroom and the one that lies inside the heart. What matters is, how deeper am I willing to look at myself? Committing a bad act such as lying, or involving in some kind of violence, or cheating somebody (even if it had to be against a man who cheated you), the conscience definitely emanates dark colours (symbolic), and when I look into the mirror after that, certainly, my good looking face doesn’t glow anymore.
When I had my first conscious kiss with a girl, I was 19. The first place I looked was into the mirror of conscience. While my senses felt good, the conscience reminded of something else which will remain a secret. Later, I got back home and headed straight to the mirror at the wash basin and started observing my lips. I wondered, “Wow, this was the first time ever I consciously experienced the soft and sensuous lips of a girl.” On that day alone, I felt as if the colour of my lips had changed. Probably, it was the change of colour deep within. I was constantly looking for some heroic changes. I felt like a hero, a man.
The object which reflects every emotion, expression, physical deformity is an act of our own inner conscience. It is at times scary to look into that “subjective illusion” which we have created. We continue to create and destroy this illusion every day. The sooner we destroy one only because we have grown beyond the ‘idea’ or we don’t like the very existence of the desire, we quickly overlook what the mirror is reminding us, and follow the dictates of the senses and falter only to feel disappointed again.
I finally have developed a lot of courage to look into the mirror regularly and come face to face with my imperfections no matter how hard it may be to face them. Sometimes, these dark tendencies of the mind which are clearly visible in the reflection push me far enough to even wonder, “Not living is better than to live as an imperfect human being.”
But then, the mirror reminds me, “Why look at the tendencies of the mind, when there is pure light of everlasting peace, bliss and happiness within?”
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